I Pretended to Be a Man on a Dating Site

As a 23-year-old woman fascinated by human behavior (and, let’s be honest, sometimes just bored and curious), I decided to conduct a little experiment.

One night, while mindlessly scrolling through profiles, a thought struck me:
What if I were a man on here?

Not just out of curiosity, but to truly understand what the experience is like from the other side. So, I set up a profile as a man — chose a normal, non-flashy photo and a simple bio. No gimmicks. No flexing. Just observation.

What I discovered? It made me uncomfortable.

Curious about what it’s like to be a man on a dating app?

1. A Ghost Town of Matches

As a woman, I’ve always been used to seeing matches pop up regularly. Not every one turns into a conversation, sure — but there’s at least some level of interest.

But as a man?
Silence.

Days passed with barely any matches. I started questioning everything:
Was my photo bad? Was the bio too plain? Was I not swiping enough?

And then it hit me:
This is normal for a lot of men.

While women often experience too much attention, men are left swiping endlessly, hoping for a response. What started out as a fun experiment… quickly felt discouraging.

2. The Few Matches I Got? They Felt… Different

After a lot of swiping, I finally got a match. I felt relieved. Curious. A little excited.

But within minutes, the conversation took an unexpected turn.

She asked for money.

At first, it was subtle — she mentioned being in a tough situation, hinted at wanting a “gift,” and then gradually it became obvious: she wasn’t interested in me, just in what she could get from me.

And it wasn’t a one-off.

Of the few matches I got, multiple chats had the same vibe: transactional.
It made me pause. Because my experience as a woman had been so different — where men usually tried to impress or pursue.

Here? The dynamic flipped. I was expected to offer something first — attention, time, maybe even money — just to be seen.

3. The Double Standards Were Loud

I’ve been frustrated with men on dating apps — the shallow messages, the quick expectations, the “Hey 😉” texts.

But now?
I saw the other side.

Dismissiveness. Rudeness. Zero effort.
One match straight-up said, “Ugh, you’re boring,” after just three messages. No joke.

Some conversations were one-sided. Unless I said something ultra-witty, there was no reply.
It wasn’t about connection. It was about what I could offer. It made me realize:
The complaints women have about dating apps?
Men experience them too — just differently.

4. Men on Dating Apps Are Tired

By the end of this, I felt something I didn’t expect:
Empathy.

We often talk about how exhausting dating apps are for women — and that’s real.
But for men, it’s a different kind of hard.

Constant rejection
The pressure to be impressive or funny right away
Feeling like they have to “prove” themselves just to earn a decent response

It made me think:
How often do we judge a guy for being “boring” when he’s probably just… tired?
Burned out from being ignored. Or worse — treated like an ATM or entertainer.

5. The Human Part Is Missing

Online dating has become a game of swipes, bios, and algorithms.
And somewhere in that, we stopped seeing each other as people.

Pretending to be a man made me realize how many of us — men and women — are stuck in a loop of judgment.
We swipe for faces, not for stories. We ignore what doesn’t impress us instantly.
We forget: there’s a real person behind that profile.

What This Taught Me

This wasn’t just a quirky social experiment. It was a wake-up call.

For women — We’ve fought for respect in dating. And we deserve it. But…
Are we always offering that same respect back?
Entitlement, rudeness, and shallow behavior hurt both sides.

For men — I see you. Online dating can be exhausting. But please keep showing up — your effort, kindness, and authenticity matter.
The right person will notice. And appreciate you for you — not for what you can give.

Why I’ll Never See Dating Apps the Same Way Again

This changed everything for me.

It exposed some serious flaws in how online dating works — and how we treat each other while using it.

But more importantly, it reminded me that we’re all just trying to be seen. To feel chosen. To find connection.

And that’s something we can all be better at — no matter what side of the screen we’re on.

What About You?

Have you ever wondered what dating feels like on the other side?
Ever had an experience that changed your whole perspective?

Let’s talk in the comments — I’d love to hear your story.