I used to think self-help books were for people who had their lives together enough to sit down and read. Meanwhile, I was spiraling through my third anxiety attack of the week, doom-scrolling Instagram at 2 AM, wondering why I felt so broken. So here are the best mental health books.
Then my therapist said something that stuck: “Reading about mental health won’t fix you, but it can help you understand yourself. And understanding is where healing starts.”
She was right. But here’s what she didn’t tell me: 90% of mental health books are repetitive garbage. The same tired advice repackaged with a new cover. “Just think positive!” “Practice gratitude!” As if I hadn’t tried that 47 times already.
This list isn’t those books.
These are the 12 books that actually shifted something in me. The ones I underlined until the pages fell out. The ones I bought for friends going through hard times. The ones that made me ugly cry in coffee shops because someone finally put words to what I’d been feeling.
If you’re tired of surface-level advice and want books that dig deep, stay here. This is the real list.
Why These Books Are Different {#why-different}
These aren’t your typical “10 steps to happiness” books.
What makes them life-changing:
✅ Written by people who’ve been there – Therapists, researchers, or people who’ve walked through hell
✅ Science-backed – Research, not just opinions
✅ Actionable – Actual tools you can use today
✅ Honest – They don’t promise quick fixes
✅ Transformative – They change how you see yourself and the world
What you won’t find here:
- Toxic positivity disguised as self-help
- “Just manifest it!” bullshit
- One-size-fits-all solutions
- Books that made me feel worse about myself
How I Chose These Books {#selection-criteria}
My Criteria:
- Did it change how I think? Not just “nice ideas” but actual perspective shifts
- Do I still reference it years later? The concepts stuck with me
- Have I recommended it 10+ times? If I push it on friends, it’s legit
- Does it respect the reader? No condescension or oversimplification
- Is it inclusive? Acknowledges different experiences, not just one narrative
A note: I’m a woman in my 30s who’s dealt with anxiety, depression, and childhood trauma. These books spoke to MY journey. Your mileage may vary, and that’s okay.
The 12 Mental Health Books That Changed My Life {#the-books}
FOR UNDERSTANDING TRAUMA {#trauma}
1. The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Price: $18-20
The Premise: Trauma isn’t just “in your head” – it lives in your body. This groundbreaking book explains how trauma reshapes the brain and body, and offers paths to healing through neuroscience.
Why It Changed My Life:
Before this book, I didn’t understand why I’d freeze during conflicts, or why certain sounds made my heart race. Van der Kolk explains how trauma gets trapped in the nervous system and why traditional talk therapy isn’t always enough.
The biggest revelation:
“Trauma is not what happens to you. Trauma is what happens inside you as a result of what happened to you.”
This shifted everything. I stopped blaming myself for my reactions and started understanding them.
What You’ll Learn:
- How trauma affects the brain (amygdala, hippocampus, prefrontal cortex)
- Why you might feel numb or hypervigilant
- Alternative healing methods: EMDR, yoga, neurofeedback, somatic therapy
- Why you can’t just “think your way out” of trauma responses
Who It’s For:
- Anyone with PTSD or Complex PTSD
- Survivors of childhood trauma, abuse, or neglect
- People who feel disconnected from their bodies
- Therapists (it’s required reading in many programs)
Best Quote: “As long as you keep secrets and suppress information, you are fundamentally at war with yourself.”
The Hard Part: This book is dense (464 pages) and sometimes clinically heavy. It’s not a light read. Some sections about trauma studies can be triggering.
My Takeaway: Understanding that my anxiety wasn’t a character flaw but a nervous system response was liberating. It gave me permission to try body-based healing (yoga, somatic therapy) instead of just talking about my feelings for the 100th time.
2. What My Bones Know by Stephanie Foo
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Price: $16-18
The Premise: A memoir about healing from Complex PTSD (C-PTSD) after childhood abuse and neglect. Part personal story, part research deep-dive into C-PTSD treatment.
Why It Changed My Life:
While “The Body Keeps the Score” explained the science, this book showed what healing actually LOOKS like in real life – messy, non-linear, and beautifully human.
Stephanie Foo is a journalist who brings the same rigor to researching her own trauma that she’d bring to a story. She tries every therapy: EMDR, Internal Family Systems, neurofeedback, psychedelics, ketamine treatment. She interviews leading trauma researchers. And she’s brutally honest about what works and what doesn’t.
What You’ll Learn:
- What Complex PTSD actually is (different from regular PTSD)
- How childhood trauma shows up in adult relationships
- What different therapy modalities feel like from the inside
- That healing isn’t linear – you can get better and still have bad days
Who It’s For:
- Anyone diagnosed with C-PTSD
- Adult children of abusive or neglectful parents
- People who relate to “anxious attachment”
- Anyone who feels fundamentally broken
Best Quote: “I’m not defective. I was just in a lot of pain.”
Why I Sobbed: The scene where she finally feels safe enough to cry in therapy. I’d been in therapy for 2 years before I could cry in front of my therapist. Reading someone else’s journey to that moment validated mine.
The Hard Part: Descriptions of childhood abuse and neglect are detailed and can be triggering. Proceed with caution if you’re not in a stable place.
My Takeaway: C-PTSD isn’t a life sentence. You can heal. It takes time, good therapy, and a lot of patience with yourself. But it’s possible.
FOR ANXIETY & DEPRESSION {#anxiety-depression}
3. Unwinding Anxiety by Judson Brewer
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐½ | Price: $15-18
The Premise: A neuroscientist explains why anxiety is a habit loop (trigger → behavior → reward) and how to break it using mindfulness and curiosity.
Why It Changed My Life:
This book reframed anxiety from “something wrong with me” to “a outdated survival mechanism I can retrain.”
Brewer explains that anxiety provides a strange reward: the illusion of control. When we worry, we feel like we’re doing something productive. Our brains learn: worry = feeling of control = reward. Loop reinforced.
The biggest shift: Instead of trying to stop anxious thoughts (impossible), he teaches you to get curious about them. “Hmm, my brain is spinning right now. What does that feel like in my body? Is worrying actually helping?”
This curiosity breaks the habit loop.
What You’ll Learn:
- Why telling yourself “just stop worrying” doesn’t work
- The neuroscience of habit formation
- How to map your own anxiety loops
- Practical exercises to interrupt anxiety patterns
- Why mindfulness isn’t about clearing your mind
Who It’s For:
- People with generalized anxiety disorder
- Worriers and overthinkers
- Anyone tired of “just breathe” advice
- People interested in the neuroscience of anxiety
Best Quote: “Anxiety is a habit, not a permanent condition. And habits can be changed.”
Practical Tool You’ll Use: The RAIN technique:
- Recognize: Notice you’re anxious
- Allow: Let it be there without fighting it
- Investigate: Get curious about the physical sensations
- Note: What happens next?
My Takeaway: I still get anxious (probably always will), but now I can observe it instead of being consumed by it. That distance changed everything.
4. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D. Burns
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Price: $12-15
The Premise: The OG cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) book. Teaches you to identify and challenge the distorted thinking patterns that fuel depression and anxiety.
Why It Changed My Life:
I didn’t realize how mean I was to myself until I started writing down my thoughts.
Burns breaks down “cognitive distortions” – the thinking errors that keep us stuck. Things like:
- All-or-nothing thinking: “If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure”
- Catastrophizing: “This one mistake will ruin everything”
- Mind reading: “They definitely think I’m annoying”
- Should statements: “I should be further along by now”
Seeing my thoughts on paper, I realized: I would never talk to a friend the way I talk to myself.
What You’ll Learn:
- The 10 most common cognitive distortions
- How to challenge negative automatic thoughts
- Practical worksheets and exercises
- Why feelings aren’t facts
- How to measure your progress (depression/anxiety scales)
Who It’s For:
- Anyone with depression or negative thinking patterns
- People new to CBT
- Those who want actionable, structured exercises
- Anyone willing to do written work (this requires effort)
Best Quote: “You feel the way you think.”
Why It Works: It’s not about “positive thinking.” It’s about accurate thinking. Replacing “I’m worthless” with “I made a mistake, and that’s okay” is realistic, not toxic positivity.
The Hard Part: Written in the 1980s, so some examples feel dated. And it REQUIRES doing the written exercises – you can’t just read it passively.
My Takeaway: The “triple column technique” (write the situation, your automatic thought, then a rational response) became a daily practice. It literally rewired how I think.
5. Lost Connections by Johann Hari
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Price: $14-17
The Premise: Depression and anxiety aren’t just chemical imbalances – they’re often responses to disconnection (from people, meaningful work, nature, values). Hari investigates the social causes of mental illness.
Why It Changed My Life:
This book made me angry. Angry at the pharmaceutical industry, angry at a culture that tells us our pain is just broken brain chemistry, angry that I’d been prescribed antidepressants without anyone asking what I was depressed ABOUT.
Don’t get me wrong: Medication helps many people (including me at times). But Hari argues we’ve over-medicalized what is often a sane response to insane circumstances.
Feeling depressed because you’re in a soul-crushing job, isolated from community, and disconnected from nature? That’s not a malfunction. That’s your body sending you a message.
What You’ll Learn:
- The 9 causes of depression (beyond biology)
- Why antidepressants aren’t as effective as we’ve been told
- How social prescribing (community, purpose, connection) can heal
- The difference between solving symptoms vs. causes
- Why some cultures have much lower depression rates
Who It’s For:
- People who feel like medication isn’t enough
- Anyone questioning whether their depression is “just chemical”
- Those interested in social/political factors in mental health
- People who feel disconnected from meaning and purpose
Best Quote: “You aren’t a machine with broken parts. You’re an animal whose needs are not being met.”
Most Powerful Section: The chapter on work and depression. Hari explores studies showing that lack of control and meaningful work contribute significantly to depression. Made me rethink my entire career.
The Controversy: Some mental health professionals criticized this book for potentially stigmatizing medication. Fair point. But I think the nuance is: medication AND addressing root causes, not either/or.
My Takeaway: I started asking “What am I depressed about?” instead of “What’s wrong with my brain?” That shift led me to quit a toxic job, rebuild my friendships, and reconnect with creativity. The depression lifted.
FOR SELF-WORTH & SHAME {#self-worth}
6. The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Price: $14-16
The Premise: Researcher Brené Brown spent years studying shame, vulnerability, and worthiness. This book distills her findings into 10 “guideposts” for wholehearted living.
Why It Changed My Life:
I am a recovering perfectionist. For years, I believed: If I could just be thin enough, smart enough, successful enough, organized enough… THEN I’d be worthy of love.
Brené Brown says: “You are worthy NOW. Not when you achieve something. Not when you fix yourself. Now.”
The book isn’t about lowering your standards. It’s about separating your worth from your accomplishments. It’s about being brave enough to show up imperfectly instead of hiding until you’re “ready.”
What You’ll Learn:
- The difference between guilt (“I did something bad”) and shame (“I am bad”)
- Why perfectionism is actually a form of self-protection
- How to cultivate self-compassion
- The importance of setting boundaries (even with people you love)
- Why vulnerability is strength, not weakness
Who It’s For:
- Perfectionists
- People-pleasers
- Anyone struggling with shame
- Women who feel like they’re never “enough”
- People who fear judgment
Best Quote: “Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen.”
The Exercise That Broke Me (In a Good Way):
She asks you to write down your “shame triggers” – the things that make you feel not good enough. I filled two pages. Then she asks: “What would happen if you were brave enough to share these with someone safe?”
I shared my list with my therapist. Saying my shame out loud disarmed it. It lost its power.
My Takeaway: I stopped waiting until I was “ready” to do things. I started showing up messy, imperfect, and vulnerable. And guess what? People connected with me MORE, not less.
7. Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Price: $13-16
The Premise: Psychologist Kristin Neff introduces self-compassion as an alternative to self-esteem. Instead of judging yourself (good/bad), you treat yourself with the same kindness you’d offer a friend.
Why It Changed My Life:
I used to think self-compassion was self-indulgent. That being hard on myself kept me motivated. I was so wrong.
Research shows self-compassion is more motivating than self-criticism. When you beat yourself up, you either give up or double down on perfectionism. When you’re compassionate, you say “I messed up, I’m human, let me try again.”
The 3 Elements of Self-Compassion:
- Self-kindness (vs. self-judgment)
- Common humanity (everyone struggles, you’re not alone)
- Mindfulness (acknowledge pain without exaggerating or suppressing)
What You’ll Learn:
- Why self-esteem (based on comparison) is fragile
- How self-compassion improves resilience
- Specific exercises and meditations
- How to talk to yourself like you’d talk to a friend
- Why self-compassion isn’t selfish or weak
Who It’s For:
- People with harsh inner critics
- Anyone who beats themselves up constantly
- Perfectionists who think self-criticism motivates them
- People struggling with self-worth
Best Quote: “If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.”
The Practice That Changed Everything:
The Self-Compassion Break (when you’re struggling):
- “This is a moment of suffering” (mindfulness)
- “Suffering is part of life” (common humanity)
- “May I be kind to myself” (self-kindness)
I do this multiple times a day now. It stops the shame spiral.
My Takeaway: Self-compassion isn’t letting yourself off the hook. It’s holding yourself accountable while still being on your own side. That shift made me braver and more resilient.
FOR RELATIONSHIPS & BOUNDARIES {#relationships}
8. Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Price: $14-17
The Premise: A therapist’s guide to setting healthy boundaries in every area of your life – work, family, friendships, romantic relationships – without guilt.
Why It Changed My Life:
I didn’t know I was allowed to have boundaries.
Raised to be “nice,” I thought boundaries were mean. I thought saying no made me selfish. I thought accommodating everyone else’s needs was love.
It was actually self-abandonment.
Tawwab breaks down exactly HOW to set boundaries, what to say, and how to handle pushback. No vague “just set boundaries” advice – she gives scripts.
What You’ll Learn:
- The 6 types of boundaries (physical, emotional, time, material, intellectual, sexual)
- Why boundaries aren’t selfish
- How to identify where you need boundaries
- Exact phrases to use
- How to handle boundary violations
- Why people-pleasing hurts you AND your relationships
Who It’s For:
- People-pleasers
- Anyone who feels resentful or burnt out
- People from dysfunctional families
- Women taught to be “nice” at all costs
- Anyone who says yes when they mean no
Best Quote: “Boundaries are not mean. They’re not rude. They’re not selfish. Boundaries are a form of self-respect.”
The Boundary Scripts I Use Most:
- “I can’t commit to that right now.” (No explanation needed)
- “That doesn’t work for me.” (Simple, clear)
- “I need some time to think about it.” (Buy yourself space)
- “I’m not available for that.” (For toxic asks)
The Hardest Truth: Some people will be upset when you set boundaries. That’s okay. People who truly care about you will respect your boundaries. People who don’t… well, that tells you something important.
My Takeaway: Setting boundaries felt terrifying at first. I lost some “friends” (who were actually just takers). But I gained SO much: energy, peace, authentic relationships, and self-respect.
9. Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐½ | Price: $13-16
The Premise: Based on attachment theory, this book explains the three attachment styles (anxious, avoidant, secure) and how they show up in romantic relationships.
Why It Changed My Life:
It explained every relationship I’d ever had.
I’m anxiously attached. I worry people will leave. I over-analyze texts. I need reassurance. I attract avoidant partners (who need space, fear intimacy, pull away when things get close). Then we do a toxic dance: I chase, they run, I chase harder, they run further.
Reading this book, I literally gasped out loud multiple times. It was like someone had secretly recorded my relationships and written a research paper about them.
What You’ll Learn:
- The 3 attachment styles and how they form in childhood
- Why anxious people attract avoidant people (and why it’s a disaster)
- What secure attachment looks like
- How to identify your attachment style
- How to find compatible partners
- Whether relationships can change attachment styles (yes, but it’s hard)
Who It’s For:
- Anyone in romantic relationships
- People who repeat the same relationship patterns
- Those who wonder why they pick unavailable partners
- Anyone who relates to “anxious” or “avoidant”
Best Quote: “Don’t assume everyone wants the same thing in a relationship that you do.”
The Wake-Up Call:
There’s a chapter called “The Anxious-Avoidant Trap.” It describes how anxious people mistake avoidant partners’ hot-and-cold behavior for “passion” and “chemistry.” We’re drawn to people who activate our anxiety because it feels familiar.
Secure people feel boring to anxious people. But secure is actually what we need.
My Takeaway: I stopped dating avoidant men. I learned to recognize secure attachment (consistent, emotionally available, communicative). My current relationship is “boring” in the best way – no drama, just peace.
FOR FINDING MEANING {#meaning}
10. Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Price: $10-13
The Premise: Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl describes his experiences in Nazi concentration camps and how finding meaning helped him survive. He then introduces logotherapy – therapy focused on finding life’s purpose.
Why It Changed My Life:
If Viktor Frankl could find meaning in a concentration camp, I can find meaning in my mundane depression.
That sounds dramatic, but it’s true. Reading about someone who lost everything – family, freedom, dignity – and still chose to find meaning… it made my problems feel both valid (suffering is suffering) and surmountable (if he could, maybe I can too).
The Core Idea:
“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
Meaning doesn’t eliminate suffering. But it makes suffering bearable. Purpose gives you a reason to keep going.
What You’ll Learn:
- The three sources of meaning: work (doing something significant), love (caring for others), courage (choosing our attitude toward suffering)
- Why those who had purpose survived longer in camps
- How to find meaning even in suffering
- The dangers of existential vacuum (emptiness, boredom, numbness)
- Why meaning matters more than happiness
Who It’s For:
- Anyone feeling purposeless or empty
- People going through major suffering
- Those asking “What’s the point?”
- Anyone interested in philosophy and psychology
- People in existential crisis
Best Quote: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”
The Section That Made Me Cry: Frankl describes a woman dying in the concentration camp. She’s found peace because she talks to a tree outside the window. She says the tree told her: “I am here. I am life, eternal life.”
Even in hell, she found meaning. That wrecked me.
My Takeaway: When depression tells me “nothing matters,” I remember: I get to decide what matters. Suffering might be inevitable, but meaninglessness is a choice.
11. When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chödrön
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ | Price: $11-14
The Premise: Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön teaches how to find peace and freedom in the midst of chaos, uncertainty, and falling apart – instead of waiting until things are “fixed.”
Why It Changed My Life:
I spent years trying to control everything so I wouldn’t fall apart. This book taught me to fall apart with grace.
Western culture says: Fix the problem, eliminate discomfort, get back to normal. Buddhism says: Sit with discomfort. It’s trying to teach you something.
Chödrön doesn’t offer solutions. She offers a different relationship with suffering.
What You’ll Learn:
- How to stay present with pain instead of escaping
- Why grasping (trying to control) creates more suffering
- The concept of “groundlessness” and how to embrace it
- Loving-kindness practices (metta meditation)
- How to soften around difficulty instead of hardening
- Why accepting impermanence brings peace
Who It’s For:
- People going through major life transitions
- Anyone experiencing loss or grief
- Control freaks (like me)
- People interested in Buddhism
- Those who feel stuck in suffering
Best Quote: “To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.”
The Practice I Come Back To:
Tonglen Meditation: Breathe in the pain (yours or others’), breathe out compassion and relief. It sounds backwards, but it’s about leaning INTO suffering instead of away from it. Paradoxically, it reduces suffering.
The Hard Part: This book doesn’t offer comfort in the traditional sense. It asks you to sit with discomfort. That’s not what we want to hear when we’re hurting.
My Takeaway: Trying to control everything was exhausting. Accepting that life is uncertain and I’ll be okay anyway? Freeing. I still fall apart. But now I know falling apart is part of being alive.
12. The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐½ | Price: $14-17
The Premise: A 12-week program to recover your creativity. It’s technically about unblocking artistic expression, but it’s actually about healing from perfectionism, shame, and fear.
Why It Changed My Life:
I didn’t realize how much of my mental health was tied to suppressed creativity.
I’d stopped writing, stopped making art, stopped doing anything just for joy. Everything had to be productive, perfect, monetizable. I was miserable.
This book (and specifically the two main practices) reconnected me with play, curiosity, and self-expression. Turns out, creativity is medicine.
The Two Core Practices:
- Morning Pages: Write 3 pages longhand every morning. Stream of consciousness, no editing, no one reads it. Clears mental clutter.
- Artist Date: Take yourself on a solo weekly date doing something fun/creative. No agenda, just exploration.
What You’ll Learn:
- How perfectionism kills creativity
- Why you don’t need to be “good” at something to do it
- How to identify and overcome creative blocks
- The role of inner critic vs. inner artist
- How creativity supports mental health
- Exercises to unlock buried dreams
Who It’s For:
- Creatives feeling blocked
- Perfectionists who’ve stopped trying
- Anyone who says “I’m not creative”
- People who need more play in their life
- Those recovering from critical parents/teachers
Best Quote: “Creativity is not a luxury. It is a necessity.”
Why Morning Pages Changed Me:
At first, I wrote about my to-do list. Then I started venting. Then deeper thoughts emerged. Morning Pages became therapy I didn’t know I needed. They help with anxiety, decision-making, processing emotions, everything.
The Resistance: This book has spiritual/God language that might turn some people off. I’m not religious, but I translated “God” to “Universe” or “Creative Source” and it worked for me.
My Takeaway: I write Morning Pages every single day (3+ years now). I prioritize creativity. I make art badly without shame. My mental health improved dramatically when I stopped demanding that everything I create be perfect.
How to Actually Read These (When You’re Struggling) {#how-to-read}
Real talk: When you’re depressed or anxious, reading is HARD.
Your focus is shot. Words blur together. You read the same paragraph 5 times and retain nothing.
Here’s how I approach these books:
If You’re in Crisis:
Don’t force yourself to read. Try audiobooks on 1.5x speed during walks. Or just read 1 page a day. Or skip to the practical exercises.
If You Can’t Concentrate:
- Start with the shortest: “Man’s Search for Meaning” (168 pages)
- Read during your most alert time (morning for me)
- Highlighter in hand – mark anything that resonates
- No pressure to finish
If You’re Overwhelmed:
Pick ONE book. Read one chapter a week. That’s it. Slow is better than not at all.
If You Want Maximum Impact:
- Read with a journal
- Do the exercises (don’t just read about them)
- Discuss with a therapist or friend
- Re-read sections as needed
My Reading Order (If You Want a Path):
Start Here:
- “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” (immediately practical)
- “The Gifts of Imperfection” (gentle, compassionate)
Then:
- “Feeling Good” (requires more focus, but worth it)
- “Unwinding Anxiety” (if anxiety is your main issue)
When You’re Ready for Deeper Work:
- “The Body Keeps the Score” (dense but transformative)
- “What My Bones Know” (if trauma is relevant)
For Meaning:
- “Man’s Search for Meaning” (short, powerful)
- “When Things Fall Apart” (when you’re in chaos)
For Relationships:
- “Attached” (eye-opening)
- “Self-Compassion” (supportive)
For Creativity/Play:
- “The Artist’s Way” (12-week commitment)
Which Book Should You Start With? {#quiz}
Answer these questions:
1. What’s your main struggle right now?
- A) Anxiety/worry/overthinking → “Unwinding Anxiety”
- B) Depression/negative thoughts → “Feeling Good”
- C) Past trauma haunting you → “The Body Keeps the Score”
- D) Feeling worthless/not good enough → “The Gifts of Imperfection”
- E) Toxic relationships/can’t say no → “Set Boundaries, Find Peace”
- F) Life feels meaningless → “Man’s Search for Meaning”
2. What’s your reading style?
- A) I want ACTION STEPS → “Feeling Good” or “Set Boundaries”
- B) I want to understand WHY → “Body Keeps the Score” or “Lost Connections”
- C) I want personal stories → “What My Bones Know”
- D) I want spiritual/philosophical → “When Things Fall Apart” or “Man’s Search for Meaning”
3. How much energy do you have?
- A) Very little → “Man’s Search for Meaning” (short, 168 pages)
- B) Some focus available → “Set Boundaries” or “Gifts of Imperfection”
- C) Ready for deep work → “Body Keeps the Score”
My recommendation: Start with “The Gifts of Imperfection” if you’re unsure. It’s gentle, compassionate, and accessible even when you’re struggling.
Frequently Asked Questions {#faqs}
Do these books replace therapy?
Absolutely not. These books are tools that support therapy, not replacements for it. Think of them as supplements to professional help.
Use books if:
- You’re already in therapy and want additional resources
- You’re on a waitlist for therapy
- You want to understand yourself better
- You’re doing maintenance work after therapy
Seek professional help if:
- You’re in crisis or having suicidal thoughts
- Your symptoms interfere with daily life
- You’ve tried self-help and aren’t improving
- You’re dealing with severe trauma
Crisis Resources:
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
- SAMHSA: 1-800-662-4357
Can I read these if I’m on medication?
Yes! These books complement medication. Many people benefit from both medication AND therapy/self-help work.
“Lost Connections” might make you question medication – that’s okay. Discuss any concerns with your prescriber. Never stop medication without medical supervision.
I started a mental health book and felt worse. Is that normal?
Yes, and it’s actually important.
When you start examining your mental health, you might:
- Feel more aware of your pain
- Uncover memories or emotions you’d buried
- Realize how much you’ve been struggling
- Feel overwhelmed by the work ahead
This is called “therapeutic discomfort” and it often means the book is hitting something real.
What to do:
- Slow down. One chapter at a time.
- Journal about what’s coming up
- Talk to a therapist if available
- Take breaks when needed
- Stop reading if it’s genuinely re-traumatizing
Trust yourself. If a book feels harmful (not just uncomfortable), put it down.
Which book is best for anxiety specifically?
Top 3 for anxiety:
- “Unwinding Anxiety” – Most directly addresses anxiety mechanisms
- “Feeling Good” – CBT techniques work great for anxious thoughts
- “The Body Keeps the Score” – If your anxiety stems from trauma
Honorable mention: “When Things Fall Apart” for the underlying fear of uncertainty that drives anxiety.
Are there mental health books specifically for women?
While most of these books are relevant to everyone, some speak specifically to women’s experiences:
Best for women:
- “The Gifts of Imperfection” (Brené Brown’s research focused heavily on women)
- “What My Bones Know” (written by a woman, about C-PTSD in women)
- “Set Boundaries, Find Peace” (addresses people-pleasing, often socialized in women)
Also consider:
- “Burnout” by Emily Nagoski (not on this list but excellent for women’s stress)
- “Untamed” by Glennon Doyle (more memoir, less clinical, powerful)
Can I get these books for free?
Yes! Legal free options:
- Your local library – Most libraries have physical and e-book copies
- Libby app – Borrow e-books and audiobooks with your library card
- Hoopla – Another library app for digital borrowing
- BookBub – Alerts for free/discounted e-books
- Buy used – ThriftBooks, Better World Books (cheap + supports literacy)
Free previews:
- Amazon “Look Inside” feature
- Google Books previews
- Author websites often have sample chapters
If money is tight, prioritize: Library → Used → E-book sale → New
What if I start a book and don’t like it?
STOP READING IT.
Life is too short for books that don’t serve you. Maybe it’s not the right time, or not the right book for YOUR experience.
Some books on this list might not resonate with you, and that’s completely okay.
- “The Body Keeps the Score” might be too clinical for some
- “When Things Fall Apart” might not work if you’re not into Buddhism
- “The Artist’s Way” might feel too woo-woo
Permission granted: DNF (did not finish) any book that isn’t helping.
How long does it take to see results from reading these books?
Honestly? It depends.
Immediate insights: Some people have “aha moments” that shift perspective immediately.
Weeks: If you’re doing the exercises, 4-6 weeks of consistent practice.
Months: Deep change (like healing trauma or changing thought patterns) takes 3-6 months or longer.
Years: I’m still implementing lessons from books I read 5 years ago.
The key: Reading isn’t enough. You have to apply what you learn.
Should I read multiple books at once?
I don’t recommend it for mental health books.
These books require processing and practice. Jumping between them dilutes the impact.
My approach:
- One mental health book at a time
- Take notes, do exercises
- Let it sink in before starting the next
- Re-read sections as needed
Exception: Keep a lighter book (fiction, poetry) for when you need a break from heavy content.
What if I can’t afford therapy but need help?
These books can help, but also look into:
Low-cost therapy options:
- Open Path Collective: $30-80/session with verified therapists
- Psychology Today: Filter by “sliding scale”
- University clinics: Grad students supervised by licensed therapists, often $20-40
- BetterHelp/Talkspace: Sometimes cheaper than in-person
- Community mental health centers: Income-based fees
- 7 Cups: Free emotional support (not therapy, but helpful)
Free support:
- NAMI support groups: National Alliance on Mental Illness
- DBSA: Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance
- Smart Recovery: For addiction/mental health
- Reddit communities: r/mentalhealth, r/anxiety, r/depression (use with caution)
Self-help + free support + books can create a foundation until you can access therapy.
My Final Thoughts
You’re not going to find all the answers in books.
But you might find yourself in them. You might find permission to struggle. You might find tools that make hard days easier. You might find words for feelings you couldn’t name.
These 12 books didn’t “fix” me (nothing will, because I’m not broken). But they helped me understand myself, develop compassion for my struggles, and build a life I actually want to live.
Start with one book. Read it slowly. Do the work. Be patient.
Healing isn’t linear. Some days you’ll feel like you’re making progress. Other days you’ll feel back at square one. Both are part of the process.
You deserve support. You deserve understanding. You deserve to feel better.
And if a book can help even a little bit? It’s worth it.
Complete Shopping List: All 12 Books
For Trauma:
- The Body Keeps the Score – Buy on Amazon | $18
- What My Bones Know – Buy on Amazon | $16
For Anxiety & Depression: 3. Unwinding Anxiety – Buy on Amazon | $15 4. Feeling Good – Buy on Amazon | $12 5. Lost Connections – Buy on Amazon | $14
For Self-Worth & Shame: 6. The Gifts of Imperfection – Buy on Amazon | $14 7. Self-Compassion – Buy on Amazon | $13
For Relationships: 8. Set Boundaries, Find Peace – Buy on Amazon | $14 9. Attached – Buy on Amazon | $13
For Finding Meaning: 10. Man’s Search for Meaning – Buy on Amazon | $10 11. When Things Fall Apart – Buy on Amazon | $11 12. The Artist’s Way – Buy on Amazon | $14
Total if buying all: $164 Total if borrowing from library: $0
My recommendation: Start with 2-3 books max. Buy as you finish.
About the Author:
I’m not a therapist or mental health professional. I’m a woman who’s been in therapy for 7 years, tried every anxiety hack in existence, and read approximately 73 mental health books (12 of which actually mattered).
I started ApprovedByHer because I was tired of generic advice that didn’t work. This is the real stuff – the tools, products, and resources that actually helped me and other women like me.
If you’re struggling, you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.
You’re here, reading this, looking for help. That’s courage.
Keep going. 💜
Content Warning: This post discusses mental health topics including trauma, abuse, depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation. If you’re in crisis, please reach out:
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
- SAMHSA: 1-800-662-4357
You matter. Please get help if you need it.
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